Regret From a Father

I can remember my father telling me that boys are easier to rear than girls. Perhaps for the first ten to twelve years of my son's life I would have agreed. My son is 16, nearing 17 years of age. Lately, I find myself wondering what happened? Mark Twain, I believe, said that when a boy reaches his teen years you should put him in a barrel and feed him through a hole in it, and when he turns 16 you should plug up the hole. There are times that I wonder if I shouldn't have followed Mr. Twain's idea.

In retrospect, the issues that I have in dealing with my son come from inadequacies on my parenting. That is what is so frustrating about teens! Young children lull us into believing that everything is wonderful, so all we have to do is sit back and watch them grow. Then, as if out of some horror story, that sweet, fun loving child turns into a teen laden with all kinds of issues. What is hard for parents to face is the responsibility in the shaping of our children when they show flaws in their character.

This morning as I sat out in the living room of my house contemplating the mistakes I have made in my son's maturing process, I realized that no philosophy or parenting book or tip really matters. What matters is my love for my son. The lesson that my parents taught me when I was a teen (and ultimately throughout life) is that nothing separates us from their love. This morning I am greiving over my poor choices as a parent, my son's poor choices as a teen, but in my heart burns a love for him that he may never fully realize or comprehend until he is grown with his own children.

You can never go back in time and correct the mistakes you made. Regret, this word haunts me. I regret that on the day my son was born I did not write the following, but perhaps one day my son will read this an understand what I really meant for his life.

Dear son,

In life, there are a few incredibly special moments that are so rare that they can be counted. Among the most incredible moments was the day you became a part of my life. Time has flown by, and unfortunately it is just a short time before you will be moving toward a life that will be made up of your own choices, dreams, relationships, and love. I want you to know how often I have regretted the poor choices I have made that I see reflected in you, but despite those and much more important to anything I could ever do for you is letting you know that I love. Nothing, and no one will ever be able to take my love for you away. So please forgive me for being a poor parent, and realize the sincerity of my love.

Love,

Your Dad

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